This final year of high school felt like one big waiting line, only in the sense of obtaining these acceptance letters though. Don't get me wrong, at all, senior year was by far the best years of my education. Now that I've received acknowledgement from, and have been accepted to all 5 schools I applied to, I can take one of the biggest breaths I'll ever take in my life. With this breath, I can reflect on how, in enrolling myself to one of these institutes, I am making one of the biggest, most significant and influential choices I'll ever make. Well kids, I'm going to Queen's! My runners up were Guelph, McMaster, U of T St. George and York - let's not speak of York.
It was May 11th, a Monday, and I was stressed and thoroughly aggravated. I was stressed, and I can't remember why now, but this was the day I received my offer of admission online; this was exactly what I needed. I checked the Queen's site and "yelped" when I read that I was accepted. I was in the library about to begin a process of elimination in my schoolwork, but that didn't happen, so I went outside to inform my friends sitting out front of the school. I walked over with the biggest smile of my life, performed a thumbs up and announced, "I got in." I WAS SWARMED.
A few weeks ago, I began to have second thoughts. I thought to myself, now that I got in, now that I got what I've been wanting and waiting for since November, do I really want this? Was this just a goal I set myself for the year, something to strive for, never really thinking I'd get in? Although I felt confident that I'd be accepted to the school, I never really believed the time would come. And it has. It's coming right now. I felt like I only wanted what I couldn't have, even though I subconsciously knew I'd get accepted, I think. Now I have it. And September will come quicker than light itself.
I felt a little left out: the majority of my friends are either taking a year of to work or to travel (France?!!), or are going back to high school for a victory lap for either a semester or a year. Only 3 or 4 of my closest friends are going to post-secondary school next year, and I'm not sure if I'm rushing or not. I thought I should also take a year off, to travel, to work. But... Do I really want to work full time yet? Am I even able to travel now? No. I have money saved, and that's for my education. I don't have the funding, or the firm decision making skills (yet) as to where I'd like to go, or when, or why. That too, would feel a little rushed, or forced. I felt obligated. But I'm ready to go to school now. Right?
I'm not sure if one is ever really ready. This is something I've discovered this year. My friend shared some kind, encouraging words once, that "It'd be nice if we could live life always being ready." And it's true, but is it even realistic? Is it worth while? Yes, life's about risks, and adapting to change, and the sort. And I'm slowly starting to place myself out of my element, my "Burlington bubble," to enable myself to change. I'm making little changes, slowly but surely, up to this "big" change.
Well, I can now say that, I'm not ready I suppose, but I love it. It's so terrifying and I think it's normal, and I think it's healthy. It's a change of pace, and atmosphere. A total 180.
I'm procrastinating applying to OSAP, but that will be completed sooner or later. I've applied and paid for residence, so I should be hearing back from Queen's about which building I'll be spending the next academic year in. We had preferences for room choice, 5 of them, and all of my 5 were double room. This was because, before, I was nervous that I'd have a hard time making friends, so this sharing of room would allow me to at least meet one person to meet hundreds other after. A small change to a big one. I hope my room mate wants a double room too, and isn't just stuck with me. Eeeeek.. All well though.
Move-in day is on Sunday, September 6th, and I believe one of my friends Meagan will be assisting me, and for this I am grateful and excited, but sad. I'll overpack, obviously, and will attend a small welcoming orientation with my family and sidekick, and then they'll be off. I have no idea what to expect from there. Will I have time alone, to decorate, to depress myself, or will I be thrusted into the typical Queen's lifestyle? Grease poles, coverall paintings, swimming in lake Ontario, purple men AKA engineers, keggers, etc etc etc?! I hope so, and I know so, and I think I love it.
Inside Outside, 6/12/09
After the end of the year carnival, we went to Meagan's father's with Stephanie, then her mother's for copious amounts of dinner and surprisingly, no tea. We grabbed teas though, on our way to Mack's where Stephanie, Rachel, Erik, JP, Alex, Chelsey, Dave, and Chris were. We frisbee'd in the park with others, and it got polluted, both physically and emotionally by the intruders. Later, Rachel, Meagan and I went to St. Louis for (cold) nachos and (good) french fries. We purchased bug spray. The bar was awkward because there were men cheering for game seven, even though there was only 10 people there in total. We went to Brittney's too because it was her eighteenth birthday. We watched the (disturbing) movie Hellraiser which consisted of skinning, mushy humans and portals, and all with a sexual undertone. How pleasant! I got home around 1 and everyone in my house was up; this is a very, very rare occurrence. A good carnival Friday!
I didn't really get involved a whole lot in high school. I wasn't an environmentalist, an organizer, an activist. I wasn't on any teams, in any clubs, nor did I complete my time in the yearbook committee. This is the only thing I regret about high school, but I know I can take this, and change this. I hope I'll have the courage to join a club, write for the paper, play a sport. Me, sport, really?
First, I need to stop questioning my potential and rid my self conscious attitude to really enjoy my time in university, or I'll begin to resent it. I need to really have a balance next year, and hope to obtain this skill through practice. I feel I may have pushed myself too hard this year, senior year. Although I had a healthy social life, I found myself studying for quizzes and tests longer than others, and reviewing and rewriting notes and organizing my work ethic into subcategories, colour coordinated and laminated. Was I too swarmed in school though? Maybe not. Maybe not at all.
Not to sound like I love myself a bunch, but I feel I was a good student this year, involvement with the school aside. I got my 80s, my 90s, my letters of references, compliments, and I took them and appreciated them and learned from them. Although I dislike these praises I receive, especially in front of others, I appreciate them in private. So for this, I thank you, and I thank you all. You, the RBHS class of 2009, have made it what it is: memorable. I am grateful.
Reading the graduation quotes in the yearbook at first was disappointing. We know your 4 years were excellent and you thank everyone for the nights you can't remember and the friends you'll never forget. Yes, I know, me too. But I do. Attending Robert Bateman High School was one of the greatest, most fulfilling experiences of my life so far. It was here where I learned a lot about myself and about my friends in the rawest of forms. And it was beautiful.
Now that our senior year is coming to a somewhat abrupt, but expected conclusion, I am so indescribably ready for summer. Last summer was shoved full with working for my future, and this summer I will work again, yes, but I'll learn to appreciate my time both in and out of my chef uniform. Summer is summer is summer is summer. "Learn to love it."
So kids, now is where I announce my plans for the summer. I plan to keep this blog not only to reflect on the past when summer has ended, but to update you all as to how my summer is going. Not only my summer, but others. I want this blog to be a collective of perspectives and opinions and thought processes. I will invite friends to include their work so I can publish them on this blog. This will be a summer sketchbook, per se. It will be good; it will be great, actually.
This blog will include simple diary style entries, events such as shows or art galleries, other events around Burlington and the surrounding area, summer playlists, likes and dislikes, observations, lists and lists and lists and love. It will be a place where I can submerge my thoughts and collect like terms, if you will, without the mathematical, algebraic, square rooted connotations.
Well, I think I'll leave it at that then. Check back, friends, to see how my summer is going, if you wish. Check to see how yours is going too, if you choose to send in any of your writings or pieces of art or even summer playlist suggestions. Anything and everything will be dandy.
If you wish to submit anything at all, you can either e-mail it in at email@example.com or mail it to me for me to scan - ask me for my address. If you wish to send in videos or pictures too, that'll be cool. Quotes, journals, stories, sketches, paintings, links, suggestions (ie. books, movies, etc!). Ok? Ok.
And for now, enjoy, more so than you already are. Here's to the summer. Good luck on exams everyone, and I'll be seeing you.