Aug 19, 2009

lightly chilled

I believe that I am having my anagnorisis. My desolate, sudden set of moments of realization. The dark, cotton candy bunny purple of the sunrise is peeling away, where the yellow blues are beginning to dominate August 19th. My second hand book is face down on the window sill just to the left of my all blue, plain blue mug, with the handle facing right, with the handle unused. I was loosing myself in these blues, yes, unable to move and or to speak. The first thing I said this morning when I saw the rising was some sort of airy, impressed placement of breath towards the lake. Speaking of, it brings me great comfort to know that I will be living on that same lake next year. They will continue to interest me greatly, these sunrises. It’ll be like returning to your old house and watching the sprinkler turn on all over again, swinging on those swings and looking through that grated, wire fence. Similar places, similar qualities, new perspectives. Ideas. Levels of appreciation.

Before I arrived here, cereal was made and done, tea fixed. Lacking honey and adding more, I sipped while I walked along the stairs and upstairs hallway, racing this tea, needing it now. I planned to sit out in the 19C rising by the pool but instead crumbled onto my mattress, blanket and other blanket, this fuzzy heaven here, itching mosquitos, comparing contrasting. I examine the mold against my set of windows, the rust, the aged imperfections. I lightly question how long this has taken to accumulate, forgetting momentarily about what exactly is going on past this mold. I peek around the curtain to the golden blues that are with me now, these golden blues. I peek three times and now four and now five. I also look at how the white garage doors of the neighbour’s house appear to be some shade of tungsten in the implied darkness, glowing. The moisture in the morning combined with the purr of the nearby traffic on Appleby Line mixed with Highway 5, Dundas, represents the now. It is raw, and I am convinced that I am one of the only ones listening for it on this given Wednesday morning. I am so content with this arched back, mosquito imprint, hemp bracelet, oversized Planet Laser tee. Stephanie’s mom always used to hold my hand when we went Laser Tagging at birthday parties because I was always scared of the darkness as well as the possibility of me never getting out to where we started off when time ran out. Thank you deeply for this, Janet. This will remain in my heart.

There comes a time where best friends, Thing 1 and Thing 2 must leave each other. Although they never really leave. They journey onward, both physically, emotionally and spiritually. Can one really travel only physically, and not emotionally? Thing 1 may be a little more experienced in the notion of travel, or maybe that’s number 2. Specifics aside, their upcoming travels are expected to be wild, brave, bold and beautiful. They will experience more Things, more Aspects, Concepts, Perspectives. Maybe they’ll reunite later on. Now, they have taken as much as they can from each other in a given timeframe, and are as ready as they can be to part pathways. They will not follow paths though, they will only leave trails.

Hi, sunshine. You’ve imprinted my retinas and I can’t quite see right, so thanks, really. I turn over onto my back facing the northern wall of my room to see the shadow of my bed head. Hello, there.

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