Apr 30, 2010


My room is packed into bags, thus my room is so empty, and my stuff is all in a corner. I have a canker that doubled in size overnight, a throat that is more sore now, and an ankle that is still messy. My eyes are full of sleep, I might still be tired, and I don't yet know. I have to pee. It's gray outside, but nevertheless, the trees have begun blooming for the season. A commencement. With endings come beginnings. Ones that aren't truly comparable, but just different instead. Not bigger, just different. Not better. Just different.
All of these physical things might be on a team, attacking the enemy, which may or may not be me, but these things are just lingering around, being physical.
Regardless, my mind is active and my spirits are high, even though my face looks sleepy and limp. But give-me-a break, I just woke up fifteen minutes ago.
The only items left to pack include the remainder of my clothing, my electronics and cords, my lamps, my canvas that I painted last night at Ally's place, my ipod and headphones, my fat white binders, my journal and pencil case, a canvas bag, a picture frame of 3 photos: my sister, myself, and my brother, all as kids, and all on swings.
I have other things, but the point of this all was to share with you that the inner part of me, as a 6E resident, Victoria Hall, (and I can't even remember the postal code, even though I had it memorized, I think), is coming to a close. I think I am past the emotional stage, and I never even wanted to stay. I've written so much and heard so much and learned so much that has allowed me to not sulk as much as I would over my current situation. Even in my journal on the way to Queen's, I wrote to myself that I couldn't picture my life any other way right now. And that statement could be applied to me again, right now. And maybe even to all of you. Are you loving what you're doing? And more importantly, do you know what you're doing?
I don't want to stay here, and apart of that is me accepting the logic of it all, using reason alone, to realize that it's not possible for me to stay here. Time is up, and I hope you all took everything in while you could. And I think I did. I know this because I'm not feeling the sensation of "time flew by me," or flustered, or as though I am just now opening my eyes a little bit larger. No, they've been opened. No, I've been allowing. Yes, I have.
Thinking about it now, I really did take this all in. I've processed so many things. Even my room mate and that entire situation. To those of you who know (some extensively more than others) about my room mate dynamic, I have learned, over the course of the year, to appreciate him. I don't appreciate the things that he did, because I knew they weren't directed at me with intentions of harming me, at all. I tried to get inside his mind, but couldn't. Thus, lesson learned, that being, communicate. We were similar in the sense of feeling a little reserved when wanting to really open up and discuss something. I got my foot in the door there a little bit, but regardless, I did get my closure that I wanted. I didn't know what kind it would be or what form it would take, but I got it, and that's all I'll say about that. It wasn't even resolving anything directly. It was so indirect, and I'm not even sure if he's aware of it. But regardless, I am, and that's all I needed, and so that is that.
I'm unsure of the intent of this post. Maybe just a little Friday morning blurb. Hey, my folks and my brother come today. I'm going to nibble around for some food until 11:43 brunch (which is a concrete thing, just so you know, and something that I'll miss a lot). I'm going to head down town with Gloria to pick up my jacket. I got the pass crest sewn onto it, as well as the Arts and Science motto, and my major, that I recently declared: Philosophy. Even though it's not official, and I may not "get in," I feel very confident that I will, so I'm going with it, and I'm going for it. After the jacket, I'll stop by Ally's once more to say hello and goodbye until we reunite in Kingston a couple times in the summer. Afterwards, I'll wait for my folks to arrive I suppose, with boxes and hugs. I'll let them check into their hotel, and we'll head to dinner and stuff. They'll ask me questions, I'll ask them some too. How the hell is home? What the fuck is new? Tell me stuff, fill me in! You do not realize how much of a bubble I've been in! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO SANDRA BULLOCK EVEN IS ANYMORE! THIS IS A CRISIS! No, just kidding. Nonsense. But really, I do miss the tabloids a little. Hahahhah...
After dinner, maybe we'll go to the Goat for a warm drink and a cookie or something. Gloria will be gone by then. By then, it'll be Michelle, Alison, Ryan, Colin, Kate, Laura, Liam, Brett, Andrew, Nazlee (I think), Victoria, and I think that's about it. I'll probably come back and chat with the crew, make my rounds too. I totally forgot about that. I suppose I'll do 2: evening, and early morning, before I leave to come home..... Tomorrow....
I feel the need to prepare myself and get my mind intact and wrapped around the fact that summer is beginning, and has begun. And I'm totally being flung right into it. After I pack the car and we get going, I'll still be in Queen's mode... Then I'll get home, unpack, and summer will begin.
I'll see you.
Calm, a little nostalgic, but as ready as ever when you think about it,

No comments:

Post a Comment