Apr 5, 2010

good morning

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People. But don’t say their name.. no order.

1. I really feel like we could use each other, in a good way of course.
(These are hard for me now because I'm starting to really open up with people and tell people what I am thinking, but I guess I'll think of some, that I may eventually just tell them).
(I would tell #1 that ^)
2. Go outside. Quit napping, literally and figuratively.
3. I don't like you in a certain mood. It's sluggy, and it brings me down. Regardless, I like seeing you occasionally.
4. I've told you this, but you are significant and I don't know why you don't know that. I want you to try to build yourself.
5. Pedestal.
6. You don't need that. You know that, but they may not. Take control. You won't regret it. I know you won't, but you may think you will. Continue forward.
7. It's a barrier for my love. It has tainted our relationship(s).
8. Submerge yourself in you, then seek the external world.
9. It was more than that, for a little. There's an edge about you that I'll always feel. It flickers, but it resembles a wave in a way too. The tide is out longer than it's in. That's all.
10. I've thought about it. Have you?

Nine things about myself

1. I'm in fluctuation. And I always will be to some degree.
2. When I ask you how you are, I really do want to know. I'm not just making conversation. You are not a means to an end. You are an end in yourself, and I want to get to know you.
3. I take immature, pesky comments to heart most of the time. That may be my weakness. For example, I decided to roll my jeans today. I heard two people whispering "They're capris!" with a negative undertone, suggesting I was sporting "female attire," as I walked by. Even though those two people are essentially useless to me, the comment stuck. And I'm still thinking about it.
4. I might be gullible. Rather, maybe it's just that I allow myself to really listen and feel empathy for you, and your words and perspective shape my own. Sometimes it's not a good thing, for the sake of my own person. I've become aware of this, and I think that in itself is a start to building my central composure. My half-shield, type thing. Regardless, I am a listener.
5. "So you're complex." I feel arrogant, but I believe I am. As are you, though. Still, it's something about me that we all share on different levels, and in different ways.
6. I'd like to think that I make a good first impression. I've been the shy boy for so long, and that was something that I wanted to change, so I took the control that I knew I could, made the choices and decisions I knew I had to make, and became outgoing.
7. I was never like this, but I really do value meeting new people. Sitting in the cafeteria at breakfast today, I saw several people eating alone, and wanted to approach them and start something up, while at the same time I wanted to sit alone to my music and my cinnamon bread. I was observing all the people entering and exiting the cafeteria, feeling like I really did want to meet them all. There's so many people, and I can't meet them all, and I sometimes feel obliged to introduce myself to them all and learn from them all, but you can't. It doesn't seem logical, or timely, and knowing everyone won't benefit me. I need my select 'esoteric few.' It is them who bring me fulfillment. Regardless, I want to meet you too.
8. I've realized this recently, with the help of others, that I am a very physical person. And what I mean by that is that I find closure, for example, in my inner self transferring into doing physical things. For example, I biked around Burlington on the last day of summer wishing everyone a good year, and a good bye. Closure and contentment. Also, I follow patterns, such as reading The Night Before Christmas every Christmas eve. Does this just mean I'm traditional? I find peace and clarity in my unfolding of physical events in the world that align with my inner being, if that makes sense. Humans are internal beings for the most part, but it's natural to seek help or assistance from the external world.
9. I have dreams. And they may not be globally beneficial, or beneficial to you, but they are to fulfill myself. Sure I feel a little guilty, but once in a while we all really do need to Do You, I guess I'll call it. I don't disagree with helping to save the world or teaching a child to read, and I am all for that, but some of my dreams are self-interested. And I'll openly admit that. I want to please myself. That's not to say that I'm not going to help you out or do something nice for you at the cost of my self-satisfaction. I am a pleaser, and I am a listener, and I am a giver.

Eight ways to win my heart in relationships

1. The way you carry yourself. Peacefully. Clearly. (Gracefulness).
2. A genuine, warm laugh.
3. Being humble. Being warm.
4. Balance. Basic, and maybe ambiguous, but important in every aspect of living.
5. If you value comfort and being alive, essentially.
6. Strong, but not overwhelming opinions. Passion. Have something to say.
7. If you could live without me. Depending and falling on someone scares me a little, now.
8. If you can unravel and be a lil silly.
9. Ok more than 8, but self-knowledge and self-acceptance is crucial. Know you, and be you.

Seven things that cross my mind a lot
1. Something there.
2. My mind.
3. Thought.
4. Clarity, meditation, slowing down.
5. Learning, growing, developing, changing.
6. Self-satisfaction. Self-acceptance. Do I sound too self-involved? I like me. Do you like you?
7. Health.

Six things I do before I fall asleep
1. Crack my back both ways. So good.
2. Brush my dents, maybe a floss, maybe a rinse.
3. Face.
4. Maybe some tunes.
5. Write and/or read. Usually not 'and' though.
6. Slow down.

Five people you talked to today
1. Shelby at approximately midnight, on her birthday too.
2. I can't remember who else last night, but starting with this morning, Alex.
3. Thank-you's for door-holding.
4. Rae.
5. I think that's it so far.

Four things you’re wearing right now
1. Jeans, rolled.
2. Under-pants.
3. T-shirt.
4. Luv.

Three songs that you listen to often
1. Ok I'm going to do bands, so Radiohead.
2. Broken Social Scene
3. John Mayer and Jack Johnson. Those are all my safety nets/safety bands.

Two things you want to do before you die.
1. Continue with yoga and meditation. I'm not sure what I'm going to "get" from it, aside from peace and all good things. There's no endpoint though. I just want to continue with this. I'd like to do a 10 day silent meditation retreat too.
2. Write something great. Live in BC. Open a shop there too, maybe.

One confession.
1. Again, I'm in flux. And I have bits. Some are vaulted. But I am still a single thing.

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